Episode 3: "Operation Gold Diggers"

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ARMAGEDDON GONE WILD! EPISODE 3: "OPERATION GOLD DIGGERS"

OPENING SCENE - INT. BASEMENT OF THE FREEDOM TOWER - NIGHT

The camera fades in to a dimly lit basement under the Freedom Tower. The faint hum of fluorescent lights buzzes above, casting a sickly green glow over the cluttered space. Shadows dance on the walls as the camera pans across dusty crates and old, rusting filing cabinets. Quinn and Quinton, affectionately known as "The Q Twins," creep stealthily through the room, their flashlights flickering as if they too are nervous about what they might discover. They’re armed with an arsenal of flashlights and a dog-eared notebook filled with half-baked conspiracy theories and hastily drawn diagrams.

QUINN
(Whispering, eyes darting around)
I told you, bro, this place has been rigged since day one. There’s no way all that gold just “disappeared” after 9/11. It’s down here somewhere.

Quinton, practically vibrating with excitement, struggles to keep his voice down. The thrill of adventure, mixed with a hint of fear, fills the air like static electricity.

QUINTON
(Excited, practically bouncing on his toes)
And when we find it, we’ll be set for life! But which conspiracy are we betting on this time? The hologram planes or the lizard people?

Quinn rolls his eyes, barely able to suppress a chuckle.

QUINN
(Sighs, focusing on the task at hand)
Neither! Focus! This is bigger than reptilian overlords. We’re talking secret vaults, ancient power, and—oh, look!

Suddenly, their flashlights illuminate a hidden door covered in intricate Sumerian symbols. The symbols seem to pulsate as if alive, glowing faintly in response to their presence. With trepidation, Quinn steps closer, brushing his fingers along the ancient carvings, which send a shiver down his spine.

QUINTON
(Stunned, eyes wide)
Whoa! You mean the gold was real? I thought it was all a metaphor or something.

QUINN
(Laughing nervously)
No, this is the real deal! We just uncovered the treasure trove of all conspiracies!

As they celebrate, their excitement morphs into an argument, each passionately defending their pet theory, completely oblivious to the growing energy around them. The Sumerian symbols on the walls begin to glow brighter, casting a surreal light over their faces.

QUINN
I’m telling you, it was an inside job!

QUINTON
(Pushing back, with feigned seriousness)
Nah, it was the lizard people!

Their bickering escalates, a comedic backdrop to the ominous events unfolding. Suddenly, without warning, a swirling portal materializes behind them, the very air around it crackling with energy. The floor shakes, and before they can react, the pile of gold bars is engulfed by the vortex, disappearing into the unknown.

QUINN & QUINTON
(Screaming in unison)
NOOOOOOOO!!!

They leap toward the portal, arms outstretched, but it closes with a blinding flash, leaving them standing in an empty vault, staring at the spot where their dreams of riches once lay.

QUINN
(Whispers, voice trembling)
Where… where did the gold go?

QUINTON
(Panicking, eyes darting around)
I think we just sent it to ancient Mesopotamia.

QUINN
(Defeated, leaning against the wall)
Great. Now we’ve got to deal with Alfie.

CUT TO: INT. BEN'S BUNKER - DAY

The scene shifts to Ben’s bunker, a makeshift but cozy den filled with mismatched furniture, flickering screens, and piles of takeout containers. The gang is gathered around a large TV, their eyes glued to the screen as Connie delivers a live interview on a major news network. Her demeanor is calm and collected, exuding an almost eerie confidence that captivates the viewers.

REPORTER
(Excitedly, camera zooming in)
Connie, with all your predictions coming true, what’s next? Should we expect another world-shaking event?

Connie leans forward, a mysterious smile creeping across her face, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

CONNIE
(Smiling knowingly)
Oh, you have no idea. I predict that within the next decade, toilet paper is going to be the most valuable asset in the world, thanks to the common cold. Especially if Hollywood keeps pushing really bad zombie movies.

The reporter's face shifts from disbelief to confusion.

REPORTER
(Stunned)
Toilet paper? Like, for bathrooms?

CONNIE
(Shrugs, nonchalant)
Sure, if that’s what they want you to believe. But it gets better. Once the toilet paper crisis hits, real estate will crash harder than Richie’s karaoke dreams. Who’s going to care about beachfront properties when they can’t even find a roll?

The gang exchanges incredulous glances, caught between amusement and skepticism.

REPORTER
(Laughing nervously)
Are you saying the entire real estate market is tied to... toilet paper?

CONNIE
(Nods sagely)
Exactly. It’s the domino effect. Trust me, stockpile the toilet paper, not the real estate.

With that, the scene cuts to the gang sitting in front of the TV, processing Connie’s latest prediction.

GINA
(Furrowing her brow)
Toilet paper and a real estate crash? How does that even make sense?

BEN
(Smirking, leaning back in his chair)
I don’t know, but I’ve learned to never doubt her.

ALFIE
(Shrugging, a hint of intrigue in his voice)
She’s been right about stranger things. Honestly, the toilet paper theory might be one of her more sane predictions.

Richie leans forward, a gleam of ambition in his eyes, as if the wheels in his head are already turning.

RICHIE
(Grinning, his voice dripping with enthusiasm)
See? This is why I’m pivoting to bidets. While everyone’s fighting over toilet paper and their crashing property values, I’ll be the guy selling the solution. You all thought I was crazy. Now, I’m the genius. Bidets, people! Bidets are the future!

GINA
(Sighs, half-amused)
I’m not sure if you’re brilliant or just really, really lucky.

BEN
(Laughing, shaking his head)
Oh, he’s definitely not brilliant.

CUT TO: INT. BEN'S BUNKER - NIGHT

The camera shifts to a well-worn poker table illuminated by a single overhead light, creating a cozy yet tense atmosphere. The gang has gathered for their weekly poker night, cards shuffled, and chips piled high. Richie sits with his usual bravado, confidently surveying the table, ready to bet big. The Q Twins, still shaken from losing the gold, try to mask their unease, glancing at each other, half-expecting the portal to open again at any moment.

ALFIE
(Grinning, eyeing Richie like a hawk)
So, Richie, you ready to lose again?

RICHIE
(Smug, leaning back in his chair)
I don’t lose. I just temporarily misplace my assets.

He tosses in a large stack of chips with exaggerated confidence. Ben watches him with amusement, a knowing smile spreading across his face.

BEN
(Laughing)
You sure about that? Because last week, you lost your yacht.

RICHIE
(Casually, waving it off)
Eh, it’s all part of the long con. This week, I’m betting on innovation. The toilet paper crisis is going to hit any day now. And when it does, who do you think is going to be cleaning up? Me. That’s who. My bidet market will be untouchable.

Gina rolls her eyes, clearly skeptical of Richie’s grand plans.

GINA
(Sarcastically)
The bidet market? You’re really banking on that?

RICHIE
(Confident, his voice rising)
You’ll see. The future is in luxury bidets. I’ll be the king of clean. No more wiping—just water-powered bliss.

Ben chuckles, shaking his head in disbelief.

BEN
(Grinning, crossing his arms)
You’ve got to be kidding.

ALFIE
(Chuckling, genuinely interested)
You know, Richie, that might not be a bad idea. When everyone else is fighting over toilet paper, you’ll be selling the solution to a problem no one even saw coming.

RICHIE
(Smug, his confidence growing)
Exactly. Just think about it. Richie’s Royal Flush. Has a nice ring to it, huh?

Gina shakes her head, bemused by the absurdity of it all.

GINA
(With a smirk)
This is either going to be a glorious success or the biggest flop in history. And I’m here for it.

FADE OUT: INT. BASEMENT OF THE FREEDOM TOWER - NIGHT

The camera returns to the basement, where the Q Twins are still reeling from their recent discoveries. They share a moment of realization, and their eyes meet with a determined glint, ready to forge ahead despite the chaos surrounding them.

QUINN
(Resolutely)
We need to find that gold and stop whatever’s going on.

QUINTON
(Nodding fiercely)
Let’s go back to the portal and figure this out. We can’t let Alfie get all the glory.

The twins begin plotting their next move, armed with renewed determination as the screen fades to black, leaving viewers on the edge of their seats, eager for what lies ahead.

END OF EPISODE 3

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