Dear Deep State: We See You, and Frankly, You’re Embarrassing Yourselves

 

Oh, hello there, Deep State. 👋

Yes, we’re talking to you — the shadowy committee of clipboard hoarders, latte-sipping strategists, and bargain-bin Bond villains who keep thinking they’re running the show. Spoiler alert: you’re not. At this point, you’re more like the background Wi-Fi — everyone knows you’re there, but nobody asked for you, and mostly you just slow things down.

Let’s be honest: your greatest hits aren’t aging well. Rigging, gaslighting, and throwing entire economies into chaos? Very 2008 of you. Manipulating narratives through media sock puppets? Cute, but we’ve got memes now — and nothing you say can compete with a 12-year-old with Wi-Fi and Photoshop.

Also, can we talk about the vibes? You’ve got the energy of that one middle-aged guy at karaoke who insists on singing Nickelback while everyone else just wants Beyoncé. You think you’re controlling the playlist, but really we’re just laughing, waiting for you to finish so the real party can continue.

Here’s the kicker: the people aren’t buying it anymore. The more you squeeze, the more the truth leaks out — and you can’t plug leaks with censorship tape forever. It’s like trying to patch the Titanic with Band-Aids. Good luck with that.

So here’s the deal: retire gracefully. Take your endless war budgets, secret handshakes, and creepy obsessions, and go find a nice hobby. Birdwatching, maybe? Knitting? Interpretive dance? Anything besides running humanity like it’s your private escape room.

Because here’s the punchline: the future doesn’t belong to a smoky backroom. It belongs to sunlight. And sunlight is trending. 🌞

Signed,
Everyone