Eco-Currency: Printing Money from Ocean Plastic to Save the Federal Ponzi Scheme
Title: Eco-Currency: Printing Money from Ocean Plastic to Save the Federal Ponzi Scheme
In a world where we've run out of trees to print the trillions of dollars needed to keep the Federal Reserve's Ponzi scheme afloat, a genius idea has emerged: Why not print money from the ocean's endless supply of plastic?
Picture this: You're walking down the beach, dodging stray flip-flops, half-buried soda bottles, and that mysterious chunk of plastic that looks suspiciously like an ex-toy from the '90s. Instead of seeing pollution, you see dollar signs. Literally.
Step 1: The Great Plastic Harvest
Forget about ocean clean-up as a noble cause—it’s now a national economic imperative! Picture fleets of ships with giant vacuum cleaners, sucking up every piece of plastic they can find. It’s like those claw machines, but instead of a sad, overpriced stuffed animal, you win... money! And just like those claw machines, the odds of success? Still pretty slim.
Step 2: Eco-Friendly Greenbacks
Now, what does this new eco-cash look like? Imagine crisp new bills with a faint whiff of saltwater and fish. Each bill, in a spectrum of plastic colors, features portraits of historical figures like Captain Planet, Aquaman, and that one turtle who always seems to have a straw stuck up his nose.
And the best part? Every time you hold a bill, you're holding a tiny piece of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch in your hands. Talk about recycling!
Step 3: The Ponzi Scheme Revived
With our new currency in circulation, the Federal Reserve can keep its game going. Inflation? No problem! We can just print more plastic cash. After all, there’s no shortage of plastic in the ocean. In fact, it’s the one resource we have in abundance.
Imagine paying off your student loans with a few handfuls of repurposed six-pack rings. Or better yet, your mortgage with a pile of shredded grocery bags. It's the ultimate in sustainable living—your money, just like your garbage, never really goes away.
Step 4: The Side Effects
Of course, there might be some unintended consequences. Will people start dumping even more plastic into the oceans, hoping to cash in? Will fish start hoarding plastic currency in their underwater bunkers? Will sharks become the new Wall Street brokers, trading plastic dollars for chum?
And what happens when the entire economy is based on something that literally floats? But who cares, right? As long as the Ponzi scheme is alive, we're all in this floating mess together.
Conclusion: A Sea Change for the Economy
So, next time you throw out that plastic cup, remember—it could be the next dollar bill in your pocket. Or at least, the start of a new, eco-friendly way to keep the federal Ponzi scheme alive. Just don't be surprised if your money occasionally smells like seaweed.
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