The Crystal Ballot: Voting for Truth in the Age of Atlantis and 9/11*
Title: The Crystal Ballot: Voting for Truth in the Age of Atlantis and 9/11
Welcome to the 2024 elections, where truth is stranger than fiction, and fiction is what most politicians serve for breakfast. You want honesty? Well, sit tight because this ride through the political funhouse is about to get weird.
So, who should you vote for? The options are endless, but let’s be real—most of them couldn’t tell the truth about Atlantis or 9/11 if their crystal-charged lives depended on it. But hey, who needs truth when you’ve got shiny objects and conspiracy theories that are easier to digest than your grandma’s Thanksgiving stuffing?
The Atlantis Crystal Caucus
Let’s start with the Atlantis Crystals. According to some candidates, these mystical relics are the key to everything from world peace to free Wi-Fi in public parks. You’ve got the "Crystal Consciousness" party promising to unleash the power of Atlantis to solve global warming, and honestly, who wouldn’t want to see that on a bumper sticker? They claim that by aligning your chakras with these ancient rocks, you can make your vote count twice. Unfortunately, they don’t mention that you’ll need a shaman to interpret the results, and those services aren’t covered by Medicare…yet.
9/11: The Truthers vs. The Trickers
On the other hand, there’s the "Truth About 9/11" party, which is mostly made up of people who think the X-Files was a documentary series. These candidates promise full transparency—like, literally, they want all government buildings made of glass so you can see what’s going on. They’ve got a plan to unveil the truth, but only after a ritual involving a tinfoil hat and chanting the digits of Pi until you reach enlightenment (or insanity, whichever comes first).
The Clones and the Drones
But let’s not forget the mainstream options—aka the clones and the drones. These folks are experts at the same old political tap dance, where they pretend to care about your issues while secretly being controlled by a higher power (and I don’t mean the voters). If you enjoy watching marionettes on strings, then these candidates are your jam. Just remember, when it comes to the big decisions, they’re less likely to rock the boat and more likely to stick to the script. Spoiler alert: the script hasn’t changed since Atlantis sank.
The Better Option? Wait for It…
So, who will tell the truth? Honestly, maybe it’s time to let the clones and puppets keep playing their games while we, the enlightened ones, wait for a better option to manifest. Whether it’s a galactic ambassador with a crystal crown or a whistleblower with nothing left to lose, the truth is out there. Or maybe it’s in here—deep within us, waiting to be awakened by the next weirdly wonderful candidate who doesn’t just talk the talk, but also has a spaceship parked in the backyard.
Until then, remember to vote wisely, or at least hilariously. After all, in a world where truth is stranger than fiction, your sense of humor might just be the most powerful crystal of them all.
Footnote: Of course, if a candidate comes along who brings med beds mainstream for the poor, starts an end to the political puppet show, and or tells us the truth about NESARA, GESARA, Y2K, or the fake Asteroids that never materialized in 2000 or the Atlantean crystals under Arkansas, as they might just be the one to usher in the new age we’ve all been waiting for. Until then, it’s crystals and conspiracies all the way down.
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