Episode 9: "Sumerian Happy Hour"

Plot: Alfie’s legendary "Sumerian Hangover Cure" accidentally gives the gang visions of the future, including a surreal glimpse of Richie trying to monetize people’s dreams. Now, they must scramble to stop Richie’s latest harebrained scheme before it spirals out of control—while dealing with Connie’s impromptu biblical revelation that leads Alfie to expose "The Big Bible Lie."

Scene 1: The Hangover Cure

Setting: The gang is gathered at Richie’s mansion, all recovering from an epic night out. Alfie is in the kitchen, mixing up his ancient Sumerian hangover cure.

Connie (groaning, her head in her hands):
"Alfie, whatever you’re making over there better be magic. I feel like a steamroller ran over my brain."

Alfie (grinning, stirring a bubbling concoction):
"Don’t worry, Connie. This recipe has been curing divine hangovers since the dawn of time. It’ll fix you up… with a few interesting side effects."

Richie (barely conscious, slumped on the couch):
"As long as it doesn’t cost me more poker chips, I’m in."

Ben (sarcastically):
"Yeah, Richie, don’t worry. Alfie doesn’t charge you for mystical elixirs… yet."

Alfie (with a sly grin):
"Trust me, you’ll feel better. Might see the future, but that’s just a perk."

Connie (eyes widening):
"Wait, what? See the future?"

Scene 2: Visions of the Future

Setting: Moments after everyone drinks Alfie’s hangover cure, their eyes glaze over as they start having random, prophetic visions.

Connie (freaking out):
"Oh my God, I just saw Richie charging people to buy their own dreams back!"

Ben (wide-eyed):
"Dude, I saw the same thing! You were standing in front of a crowd, like a shady street vendor, selling people’s dreams at an auction!"

Richie (sitting up, suddenly intrigued):
"Wait, I was? And people were buying them? This sounds like a brilliant idea!"

Alfie (facepalming):
"Richie, no! You’re seeing a terrible future where your greed spirals out of control. That’s the opposite of a brilliant idea."

Richie (smiling mischievously):
"Come on, I’ll call it… 'DreamCoin.' People buy tokens and exchange them for the dream of their choice. You get rich while they… I don’t know, have a nice nap."

Connie (exasperated):
"Richie, stop trying to turn everything into some scam! This is serious!"

Scene 3: Connie’s Bible Moment

Setting: Amidst the chaos, Connie stumbles upon an old Bible sitting on a shelf and starts flipping through it, trying to calm down.

Connie (holding the Bible up):
"Alfie, did you know Jesus? I need to know before Richie starts trying to sell prayers next."

Alfie (sighing):
"Ah, the big Bible lie. Connie, that’s not how it works. I knew the spirit who Jesus was based on, sure, but the whole Bible story is just a human creation. Group consciousness at its finest."

Ben (raising an eyebrow):
"Wait, what do you mean? Are you saying Jesus was a myth?"

Alfie (rolling his eyes):
"He was real, I knew him. Good guy, but the people in the Bible, like Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John? Fictional. It’s like proving Snow White was real based on what Sleepy and Doc had to say. Your religions are just stories you guys cooked up to divide yourselves."

Connie (confused but intrigued):
"So, what was the Bible originally supposed to be, then?"

Alfie (grinning):
"A self-help guide. Seriously. It was supposed to teach people about their energy—chakras, their divine nature, the fact that they could heal themselves and connect to higher realms. But, of course, humans being humans, they turned it into an organized religion."

Connie (laughing):
"So basically, the Bible was the ancient equivalent of a 'how-to' book on being divine?"

Alfie (nodding):
"Exactly! It was a guide for humans to remember their own power, to stop looking outside of themselves for divine answers. The problem came when organized religion took over, twisted it, and made it all about control and division. What it should’ve said was: 'Hey, you’re divine, too. Here’s how to balance your energy and avoid falling for anyone’s crap.'"

Connie (laughing despite herself):
"So basically, people are believing in a fanfic they wrote?"

Alfie (grinning):
"Exactly! Except instead of shipping Snow White with Prince Charming, they shipped humanity with guilt and endless wars."

Richie (still stuck on the "DreamCoin" idea):
"Wait, if group consciousness is so powerful, does that mean I can manifest people paying me for their dreams?"

Alfie (facepalming again):
"Richie, you could, but that's the problem! Stop trying to make everything a hustle!"

Scene 4: Alfie’s "Enlightening" Explanation

Setting: The gang is gathered around a whiteboard Alfie is now using to explain his theory.

Alfie (holding a marker):
"Alright, humans love stories. And when enough people believe in them, well... they make them real. That's why you’ve got all these stories about burning bushes, walking on water, and parting seas. Group consciousness is a powerful thing. It's like a really intense live-action roleplay."

Connie (nodding along):
"So... like when a bunch of kids pretend the floor is lava, and suddenly everyone's scrambling over furniture?"

Alfie (snapping his fingers):
"Exactly! Except instead of a fun game, they built religions around it."

Ben (chiming in, scrolling on his phone):
"So you’re saying Jesus was like the main character in one of those fanfics people write online?"

Alfie (deadpan):
"More or less. Except the fanfic got so out of hand, people started fighting wars over it. And, you know, creating massive global divides."

Connie (laughing):
"And then they divided themselves again based on which version of the fanfic they liked best."

Alfie (smirking):
"Exactly. A convoluted mess. It's like picking your favorite Snow White reboot and starting a cult around it."

Scene 5: Poker Game Gone Wrong

Setting: As the group slowly recovers from their hangover visions, they decide to unwind with their weekly poker game. Richie, as usual, is down to his last few chips.

Richie (nervously eyeing his dwindling pile):
"Okay, okay, double or nothing. If I win this hand, I get all my chips back. If I lose… I’ll sing Whitney Houston’s 'I Will Always Love You'!"

Connie (laughing):
"Richie, your voice isn’t gonna save you from this one."

Ben (dealing the cards):
"Alright, let’s see what you’ve got."

They play the hand, and, of course, Richie loses spectacularly.

Richie (standing up, holding a poker chip like a microphone):
"Fine! I’ll sing it, and I’ll win it back with my vocal magic!"

Richie (belting out the first lines of 'I Will Always Love You'):
"And I… will always love… yo–"
His voice cracks horribly mid-note, and everyone bursts out laughing.

Ben (laughing, collecting the last of Richie’s chips):
"That might be the worst karaoke I’ve ever heard, Richie."

Connie (giggling):
"And I will always remember this as the moment you lost your last chip."

Richie (pouting):
"Fine, I’ll get them back next time. Just you wait… DreamCoin is gonna take off!"

Alfie (snickering):
"Good luck with that, Richie. Just make sure you don’t accidentally invent a new religion while you’re at it."

Scene 6: Wrapping It Up

Setting: As the poker game winds down, the group reflects on the day’s wild events.

Connie (shaking her head):
"So, Alfie, we learned that Richie is somehow greedier in the future, the Bible is just a fanfic, and… I really shouldn’t drink anything you make ever again."

Ben (laughing):
"And also, that Richie’s singing career is officially dead."

Alfie (grinning):
"Pretty much. But hey, at least you’ve all got a sneak peek into what happens when humans let group consciousness get out of hand."

Richie (smiling slyly):
"Or when they let me handle their dreams."

Alfie (groaning):
"Richie, for the love of all that’s good, no more dream schemes."

End with a Teaser:

As the gang gets up to leave, Connie turns back to Alfie.

Connie (mock serious):
"Hey, Alfie, one more thing—what about Santa Claus?"

Alfie (smirking):
"Don’t even get me started. He’s in league with the Tooth Fairy."

Everyone groans and laughs as they head out the door.

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