Episode Title: Armageddon Outta Here, Part 1 / Alphy, the God of Smacking Brats
Episode Title: Armageddon Outta Here, Part 1 / Alphy, the God of Smacking Brats
Date: September 16, 2024
Opening Scene:
The gang is gathered at Alphy’s ancient artifact bar. Connie lounges on the couch flipping through an old mythology book. Alphy, as usual, is casually sipping on a drink.
Connie (curious):
Hey, Alphy, if you were any god from mythology, which one would you be?
Alphy (pausing dramatically, then pulling out his phone):
Well, funny you ask. Mom just sent me a text... (holds up his phone) She said some bratty kids in the multiverse need a good smack. So I guess that makes me the Sumerian god of... smacking brats.
Connie (laughing):
I don’t think that’s in the mythology book!
Alphy (grinning):
Guess they need to update their sources. (mutters) Human mythology nonsense.
Cue laugh track as the gang realizes this might be their next mission—Alphy, the reluctant god of cosmic discipline!
Episode Continuation:
As the gang gets ready to leave for their next mission, the conversation about Alphy’s new divine role continues.
Richie (smirking):
Well, if you’re gonna start smacking brats in the multiverse, you should remind them that a little Ponzi scheme can actually work… in the light.
Connie (rolling her eyes):
Oh no, here we go again.
Alphy (curious):
Ponzi schemes? In the light?
Richie (nodding enthusiastically):
Yeah, man! Fusion energy! It’s like a cosmic Ponzi scheme, but instead of collapsing, it just keeps powering everything up. Infinite energy from nothing. Boom! Imagine this—RichCoin NFTs, energy subscriptions backed by infinity.
Alphy (deadpan):
Sure, Richie... I’ll make sure to remind the brats that their bad behavior could be turned into fusion energy. A real win-win.
Connie (laughing):
Only this group could turn cosmic punishment into a renewable energy pitch.
Poker Game Moment:
The group takes a break to play their regular poker game at Richie’s mansion, a weekly tradition where the gang tries to take his money, given that Richie is a notoriously bad poker player.
Richie (putting down his cards mid-game):
You know what? I’m done. I forfeit.
Alphy (raising an eyebrow):
You’re folding? You never fold.
Richie (standing up with a grin):
Well, I’ve got bigger plans tonight. I need to practice my pitch-perfect rendition of “Space Oddity” for karaoke. Hollywood won’t know what hit ‘em when they hear me perform!
Ben (grinning):
So you’re quitting poker to sing Bowie?
Richie (winking):
You know it. Priorities, man!
Cue laugh track as Richie rushes off to practice, leaving the gang amused by his commitment to his karaoke performance and his Hollywood dreams.
Vault Discovery:
Later, as the gang continues their hunt for the last stolen gold bar from the 9/11 hoax, they stumble upon a secret vault in Alphy's bar. Ben wipes away the dust, revealing an ancient film reel labeled Armageddon 2: The Boomerang Asteroid.
Connie (squinting at the label):
'Armageddon 2'? This has to be a joke, right?
Alphy (sarcastically):
Oh, it’s real. Hollywood wasn’t ready for it. Too dangerous, too powerful.
They decide to play the movie, not realizing it's more than just a forgotten Hollywood sequel. The film opens with Bruce Willis splitting the asteroid from the first Armageddon—but one half reforms into a giant boomerang.
Narrator in the Movie (dramatically):
Everyone thought the danger was over, but the boomerang asteroid was headed back to Earth, caught in the deadly grip of space wind!
Ben (laughing mid-popcorn bite):
Space wind? That’s insane!
Connie (sipping her soda):
Hollywood never cared about physics.
Alphy (grinning):
There was wind on Nibiru once... but we banned it. Caused too much chaos.
Cue laugh track as the gang realizes the absurdity of the plot.
Real-Life Chaos:
As they continue watching the ridiculous movie, a lightbulb goes off for Richie, who suddenly bursts back in after his karaoke practice.
Richie (excitedly jumping up):
Guys! We’ve got to pitch this to Hollywood! Space wind? Boomerang asteroids? They’ll eat this up!
Ben (skeptical):
Richie, we’re trying to find the gold, not start a movie career.
Richie (persistent):
But what if there’s a clue in the movie? Something about where the gold is hidden. It could be buried in the script!
As the gang considers this insane idea, Connie smirks.
Connie:
Well, if you sell them something this dumb, I bet we could get anything made. Next up: Titanic 2... Now with More Icebergs!
Cue laugh track as the gang bursts into laughter, Richie giving her a nod of approval.
Richie (grinning):
Hey, don’t tempt me. That might actually work!
The gang, reluctantly convinced by Richie’s enthusiasm, agrees to pitch the movie in hopes of uncovering a hidden message.
Hollywood Madness:
The episode builds to a chaotic Hollywood pitch meeting, where the group presents Armageddon 2 to a room full of overenthusiastic producers.
Producer 1 (leaning in excitedly):
Space wind? Tell me more!
Producer 2 (nodding along):
Boomerang asteroids are exactly what the market needs right now.
Richie (grinning triumphantly):
And get this—it's all backed by infinite energy!
The gang stares in disbelief as the producers eagerly greenlight the absurd project, unaware of the real mission they’re on—to decipher the hidden clue about the stolen gold.
Closing Scene:
Part 1 ends with the gang navigating the glitz and glamor of Hollywood, all while trying to figure out what Armageddon 2 is really hiding.
Ben (walking out of the meeting, shaking his head):
I still can’t believe they bought that pitch.
Connie (shrugging):
We just need to find the message in the madness. The gold has to be somewhere.
Alphy (grinning):
Guess being the god of smacking brats can wait. We’ve got bigger boomerangs to worry about.
Cue the theme song as the gang heads off on another wild multiversal adventure, now blending cosmic discipline, Hollywood absurdity, and the mystery of stolen gold.
To Be Continued...
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